shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
