I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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