am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They took my balls.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my poor anus
I am naked and annoyed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
