Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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