I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So many bounce houses so little time
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
