My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
