Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What a dumb baby whore.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
