Someone shit on the floor
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
