mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
