i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
