Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
