remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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