I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
that is very illegal...i love you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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