she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
