The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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