thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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