I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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