That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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