Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
