just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
