He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
