The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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