I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
