guys are not supposed to queef...right?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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