3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
