So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize