I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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