trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I believe in your delicious
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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