i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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