the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
