Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It's Friday. Sex?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
