he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
