i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
