Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
