On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
