I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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