Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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