Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
