Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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