All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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