I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
