I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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