Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
