Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
