she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just gargled with NyQuil
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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