do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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