He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
