i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize