Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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