Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
