I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's never too late to be topless.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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