nutella sex= disaster
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
