I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
