Please don't use social media to get back at me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
