so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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