I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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