Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
