people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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