Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
