As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Vodka?
Forever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
