we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
