Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
