Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
