dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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