Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
