Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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