This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
