ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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