I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
