tell your sister to shave her snatch
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize