My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
