My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
