every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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