Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
