Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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