I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
