yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
