I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you win again, gameday.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
