glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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