Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
