if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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