and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
