I am spending my child support on dildos
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's never too late to be topless.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
