So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
