Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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