go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
