if only i could text you this smell
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
