just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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