There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
