Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
