I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
