Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
