i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
