just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
