I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize