Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
