my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
