I just made out with a guy for $7.
you would pick up someone in the library
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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