awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
