I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize