those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
