Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
