i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
