You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize