Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

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(347): View more from New York

I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday

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(216): View more from Ohio

Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I've peed outside too many times in just this past week

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two

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