I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize