He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this just has baby written all over it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
