im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
