apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize